Shadows

Since my last post I have been through a period of withdrawal and introspection.This blog has been a way of putting my persona on public display. But is it me, or just how I like to portray myself?

Then I went away on holiday and on a walk along a cliff top path I stopped and looked down the drop to the rocks below and the sea crashing onto them. What if I fell down there? There was nothing suicidal in this, but I tried to think about my non-existence. But I couldn't.If I fell down there, smashed against the rocks, I would still be in the world. I think I would still exist. But I don't know if I would be 'me'.

Yesterday a leaf chased me along a lane. What was it trying to tell me? I don't know. I feel so close to such messengers. So sensitised to them. But can't hear their messages.

These feelings are getting more intense. And I keep imagining another 'me', following me when I go for walks, watching me through the trees. Or is it someone else? My everyday life isn't obviously affected by this. I just carry on doing what I have to do. But it's like a dream compared to the real life out there. Those feelings of shadowing myself. I don't worry about this, except that I might lose the intensity of it all and just have the everyday life to live. That could happen anytime and I would be bereft.Without that other self to keep me company. But things would then be 'normal' and I'd just get on with my life.